43. How to plan a wedding, step by step

A wedding is at once a ceremony with legal effect, a party for many people and, often, the first big project a couple takes on together with their families. That is why it feels like pressure: there are many decisions, they are tangled up, and some have deadlines set by law. The good news is that they can be put in order.

This guide follows the order in which decisions are best taken, from the first "when and how many?" to the day after. The organizing part applies anywhere; for the paperwork, which changes from country to country, it explains the common method and shows three cases read from official sources: Italy, France, and England and Wales. For religious ceremonies there are no general rules: the faith community or minister you approach will tell you what applies.

Where to start: date, number of guests, budget

Before visiting a single venue, sit down and fix three things, even provisionally: a period (not necessarily a day), a range of guests and a maximum amount to spend. These are the first three things every supplier will ask, and without them nothing can be compared.

Civil or religious ceremony: what changes in the planning

From an organizing point of view, the choice of ceremony mainly shifts three things:

• Who sets the date and time. For a civil ceremony, the registration office or the venue licensed for weddings; for a religious one, the faith community, which may have times of year when it does not celebrate weddings or preparation to complete beforehand.
• The place of the ceremony. If ceremony and reception are in different places, you need travel time and sometimes transport for guests.
• The paperwork. In some countries a religious wedding can also have civil effect, under certain conditions; in others a separate civil ceremony is always needed. Ask the registration office and your community how it works in your case.

The number of guests drives almost everything

Each extra guest is not just one more cover: it enlarges the room, the number of tables, the centrepieces, the favours, sometimes transport and accommodation. That is why it helps to write the list straight away in three groups: those who must be there, those you would like, and those you invite only if there is room. The first group gives the minimum, the three together the maximum. Look for venues on that range; the room capacity calculator helps you see how many people fit in a room for each table layout, but the authorized capacity is set by the venue.

The paperwork depends on the country

This is the part with the most rigid deadlines and the one that differs most between countries. The method, though, is the same everywhere.

The common method

1. Find the competent office. Usually it is the civil registration office of the municipality (or equivalent authority) where one of you lives or where you will marry. Its official website says which documents are needed and whether you need an appointment.
2. Ask about timings before booking everything else. In many countries there is a period of public notice (the "banns") before the ceremony and a period of validity after which it has to be repeated. The date of the party must fall inside that window.
3. If one of you has another citizenship or lives abroad, ask which documents from that country are needed, whether they must be translated or legalized and how long that takes. It is often the longest step.
4. Put those deadlines in the event calendar, just like a supplier's.

Three examples read from official sources, to show how much the rules vary:

Country	Where you go	Public notice	When the wedding must take place
Italy	The municipality where one of the couple lives	Banns posted for eight days	From the fourth day after the banns end, and within 180 days (Municipality of Monza, as an example of the procedure, in Italian)
France	The town hall (mairie) of the municipality chosen for the ceremony	Banns posted for ten days	Within the year following the end of the ten days (Service-Public.fr, in French)
England and Wales	The local register office, usually by appointment	Notice given at least 29 days before the ceremony, after living in the district for the past 7 days	Within 12 months of giving notice (GOV.UK)

For any other country, the first step of the method applies: the official civil registration page of the country or municipality. Rules change: check them on the date you are planning, not in a guide.

One national case: banns and documents in Italy

In Italy the banns are requested from the municipality where one of the couple lives. They are posted for eight days at the town hall, and the wedding can be celebrated from the fourth day after the banns expire and no later than 180 days from that date (Municipality of Monza, Marriage - Banns, taken as an example: each municipality describes documents, appointments and any fees on its own website). In practice the window works like this: if the banns end on the 10th of the month, the ceremony can be from the 14th onwards, and within about six months.

If one of you is a foreign citizen or lives abroad

When one partner holds another citizenship, the office usually asks for a document from their country confirming there are no impediments to the marriage: in Italy, for example, the municipality of Monza lists among the documents the original "nulla osta" (a statement that there is no impediment to the marriage) for foreign citizens (Municipality of Monza). How and where it is obtained, and whether it must be translated or legalized, depends on the country of citizenship: ask that country's consulate or authority well in advance. The same applies if you marry in a country other than your own: the rules are those of the country of the ceremony, and the marriage must then be registered in your country of residence.

The wedding budget

There is no "right" amount for a wedding, and be wary of averages without a source: they depend on the country, the city, the season and the number of guests. There is a method, though, explained in full in the guide on how to make an event budget. Applied to a wedding:

1. Start from the total you can spend, adding what you put in and what your families have said, in writing or at least clearly, that they want to contribute.
2. List the cost lines: ceremony, reception venue, food and drink, outfits, photography and video, music, flowers and decoration, invitations and stationery, favours, transport, rings, accommodation for guests from far away, contingency.
3. Separate fixed and per-guest costs: the photographer costs the same with 60 or 120 guests; the reception does not.
4. Agree who pays for what and write it down, even in a shared message: it prevents misunderstandings when the invoices arrive.
5. A payment calendar: deposits and balances fall on different dates; note them so they do not all land in the same month.

An example of the method, with invented figures in euros (the logic is the same in any currency): total available 20,000. Fixed lines (outfits, photographer, music, flowers, invitations, rings, contingency) 8,000. That leaves 12,000 for the lines that grow with each guest. If the reception costs 110 per person and each guest adds another 10 in favours and decoration, each guest costs 120: 12,000 / 120 = 100 guests at most. If the list reaches 120, there are three ways out: raise the total, lower the cost per guest (a lunch instead of a dinner, a buffet instead of a served meal) or shorten the list. Seeing it in a calculation before booking is far better than finding out afterwards. The budget calculator suggests a first split of the cost lines that you can adjust; to estimate what a wedding costs in Italy by region, guest count and ceremony type there is the wedding budget calculator.

Who does what: the couple, families, witnesses, friends

A wedding involves many people who want to help, and some who want to decide. Writing roles down at the start prevents most of the tension.

• The couple decides the purpose, the style, the budget and the guest list, and has the last word on choices that cost money or change the day.
• Families, if they contribute, know in advance which lines and how much: "we will pay for the reception" is not the same as "we will give you a sum".
• Witnesses and close friends can take on specific, self-contained tasks: the bachelor or bachelorette party, the guest book, welcoming guests who travel from afar.
• One person for the day itself holds the running order and talks to suppliers (see "Who keeps time" below).

For each task handed to someone, write what needs doing, by when and with what budget. An "Auntie will sort it" without a date or an amount becomes a surprise, not always a pleasant one.

Venue and reception

The reception venue is almost always the largest line and the first to be booked. Compare at least two venues on the same criteria; the venue comparison tool ranks them on price, capacity, accessibility, flexibility of spaces and included services.

What to ask at the site visit

• What the price per person includes: drinks, cake, service, table set-up, linen, hours of music.
• Whether some suppliers are mandatory or exclusive (catering, music, flowers) and whether there is a fee for bringing your own.
• When the music and the party must end, and whether it can be extended.
• Covered space in case of rain, for the ceremony (if it is at the same venue) and for the drinks reception.
• Step-free access, accessible toilets, parking, distance from the ceremony, accommodation nearby.
• Deposit, balance, cancellation terms and the date by which final numbers are due.
• Whether there are other weddings or events at the same venue on the same day.

Lunch, dinner or buffet

The format changes costs, timing and atmosphere. A lunch leaves the evening free and often costs less than a dinner; a served meal gives the party rhythm but needs a precise seating plan; a buffet encourages people to move around but needs space and more attention to quantities. To estimate food and drink quantities by type of service and duration there is the catering calculator; the caterer remains the reference for actual portions.

Suppliers

Photographer, music, flowers, outfits

For each one, before asking for a quote, write in three lines what you want: for the photographer, how many hours and which moments, whether you also want video, in what format and by when; for music, ceremony, drinks, dinner and dancing, and whether you need a sound system for speeches; for flowers, ceremony, tables and bouquet; for outfits, how long making and fittings take. The more precise the request, the more comparable the quotes.

Comparing quotes

• The same written request to everyone.
• A list of what is excluded: travel, overtime, suppliers' meals, taxes, music licences where applicable.
• Cancellation and postponement terms, including for illness or bad weather.
• A final written confirmation with date, times, price, deposit and balance.

The wedding vendor comparison tool puts up to four vendors side by side on price, reviews and included services.

Music and rights

In many countries, music played or broadcast to an audience is subject to licences or fees managed by a collective rights management organization. For a reception at a venue, ask the venue and the musician or DJ who handles it and whether it is included in the price; write it in the confirmation. For one national case there is our guide to music rights and SIAE in Italy.

Gifts, registry and favours

Decide early how you would like to receive gifts (a registry at a shop, a contribution to the honeymoon, no gifts) and say so in the invitation or on a separate page, in one simple sentence. For favours, count them on the replies, not on the list, and include them among the per-guest lines of the budget.

Invitations and replies

Invitations are the moment when the number of invited guests becomes a number of attendees. The full method is in the guide to invitations and RSVPs.

When to send them

There is no rule that applies everywhere. A practical test: the invitation must arrive early enough for people coming from far away to arrange travel and time off, and the reply-by date must fall before the date the reception needs final numbers. If many guests travel, send a save-the-date first and the full invitation later.

Guests who do not reply

Write a reply-by date in the invitation. A few days after it, send a friendly reminder to those who have not answered; then a personal call or message from whoever knows them best. In the invitation, ask in a single question about allergies and dietary requirements and whether the guest is bringing a partner or children: that is the information the reception needs.

Guests with particular needs

Grandparents who find walking difficult, wheelchair users, small children, people with allergies or religious dietary rules: these are needs to know beforehand, not to discover at the table. In the invitation, one open question ("Is there anything we should know to welcome you well?") gathers more than ten checkboxes. Then check with the venue for step-free routes between ceremony and reception, accessible toilets and seating during the drinks reception, and with the caterer for alternative dishes marked by name on the seating plan.

The seating plan

The seating plan is built on real replies, not on the guest list. A few rules that cut down arguments:

• start with the couple's table and the family tables, then fill the others by group (friends, colleagues, school friends);
• seat those with limited mobility and families with small children near the exit and the toilets;
• avoid a "leftovers" table: better to mix two small groups than to leave people on their own;
• prepare the plan in two versions: one for the caterer (covers and dietary needs per table) and one for guests (the table chart with names).

To work out how many tables fit in the room and how many seats to set per table there is the seating chart calculator.

The backward calendar, month by month

A suggestion to adapt, not a rule: the real timings depend on the paperwork, the venue and the suppliers in your area. The principle is to start from the date and write the longest deadlines backwards. The free event planning checklist generates a list of tasks by phase from the date.

When	What
As soon as possible	Period, guest range, maximum budget; paperwork timings from the competent office; type of ceremony
Straight after	Reception and ceremony venues booked with a deposit; save-the-date to those who travel
In the following months	Photographer, music, flowers, outfits; quotes on the same brief; written confirmations
When the paperwork window allows	Banns or public notice, according to the country's rules
Before the reception's deadline	Invitations with a reply-by date; reminders; list of dietary needs
The last few weeks	Final numbers to the reception; seating plan; running order for the day; plan B
The day after	Balances, thank-yous, returning what was borrowed

On the wedding day

Who keeps time

The couple should not be watching the clock. Choose one person (an organized friend, a witness, or a professional if you have one) who holds the running order, the suppliers' contacts and the authority to decide on small things. The running order fits on one sheet: arrivals, ceremony, photos, drinks, entrance to the reception, speeches, cake, first dance, end of music. The programme generator can give you a first outline of timings to adjust by hand.

The rain plan

If part of the day is outdoors, plan B must be written and agreed with the venue: where the ceremony or drinks happen if it rains, who moves the chairs, how much time it takes. And above all when you decide: a fixed time, the day before or that morning, looking at the national weather service forecast.

If you marry in another country

Marrying in one partner's country, or in a third country you are connected to, is increasingly common. In planning terms it changes four things.

1. The rules are those of the country of the ceremony. Documents, notice periods and the places where weddings can be held are set by that country's authorities. The marriage must then be registered in the country where you live: ask your municipality or consulate straight away how and what to bring home.
2. Suppliers are chosen at a distance. Ask for written quotes in the language of the person signing, clear cancellation terms and, if possible, a site visit before paying large deposits.
3. Guests travel. Send the save-the-date early, explain how to get there and where to stay, and leave each guest to check entry requirements on their own country's foreign ministry website.
4. The budget lives in two currencies. Fix the budget currency and, for each conversion, the rate and the date you use. The European Central Bank's reference rates, published for information purposes, are fine for estimates (ECB); the real cost is set by your bank or payment provider.

Marrying outside the peak season

In many places, demand for venues and suppliers is concentrated in some months. Ask the venue and suppliers which dates are most requested and whether prices and availability change during the rest of the year: outside the peak there may be more choice and more attention. There are limits too: shorter days, less predictable weather, some tourist services closed. How to measure how seasonal a place is, is explained in the guide to tourism seasonality; what to check when you choose a low-season date, in the guide to organizing an off-season event.

The day after

A wedding has a day after too, and it is worth preparing in advance. Someone needs to return what was borrowed or rented and collect gifts and favours left at the venue; supplier balances are paid on the agreed dates, checking that the bill matches the confirmed covers. In the following weeks come the thank-yous to guests and helpers, the delivery of photos and video according to the contract and, if you married abroad, registering the marriage in the country where you live.

Common mistakes

1. Booking the venue before knowing the paperwork timings. The party date must fall inside the window in which the wedding can take place.
2. Underestimating the documents of a partner with another citizenship. Translations and legalizations take weeks, sometimes months.
3. A budget that does not separate fixed and per-guest lines. It is the only way to see how many guests you can afford.
4. Verbal agreements with suppliers, especially on times, overtime and cancellation.
5. Invitations without a reply-by date. Without one, replies arrive after the reception's deadline.
6. A seating plan built on the list instead of the replies. You end up doing it twice.
7. Nobody keeping time. The couple ends up coordinating suppliers instead of enjoying the day.
8. No plan B for outdoor parts, or a plan B without a decision time.

What this guide does not cover

• It does not replace the civil registration office or the faith community: it gives the method and three examples, to be checked on the date you plan.
• It does not give prices or averages: they vary by country, city, season and year. It shows how to build the budget.
• It does not cover the property and tax aspects of marriage, which depend on each country's laws: for those you need a professional.

Further reading: how to organize an event, event budget and invitations and RSVPs.

Sources

All sources were consulted on 1 October 2026. Paperwork rules change: check them on the official website on the date you plan. Numerical examples are invented and labelled as such.

1. Matrimonio - Pubblicazioni (Marriage - Banns) - Municipality of Monza (Italy), page consulted in 2026, cited as an example of a municipal procedure. Consulted on 1 October 2026.
2. Mariage en France (Marriage in France) - Service-Public.fr (France), page consulted in 2026. Consulted on 1 October 2026.
3. Euro foreign exchange reference rates - European Central Bank, page updated every working day. Consulted on 1 October 2026.
4. Marriages and civil partnerships in England and Wales: Give notice - GOV.UK (United Kingdom), page consulted in 2026. Consulted on 1 October 2026.